I Don't Want a Soft Life
I want more of a mindful hustle type of life.
As much as I love the feeling of having nothing to do after school/work on the weekdays, there are moments when I think having too much downtime is not beneficial to me or my family.
Spending Thanksgiving in New York reminded me that I like staying busy. I like having a lot of options of activities - things to do and places to see. While I probably won’t move to New York City any time soon, I am more aware now that I definitely do not want a soft and quiet life.
I admit that with the rise of the tradwife (and discourse around it), there have been times when I’ve fantasized about living somewhere with a lot of land, maybe a horse and some goats, and baking to my heart’s content. My kids would roam freely among the fields and learn life skills like tending a garden and working to enjoy the fruits of their labor.
But then I remember who I am. And who I am needs a walkable town and certain conveniences. Who I am needs to have more than one Asian or other ethnic food option for dinner at any given time. Who I am needs museums and culture rich entertainment for me and my kids. Who I am needs diversity… You get the point.
Unfortunately, it feels like you cannot be anywhere in the middle these days. Everything is at extremes. You can’t be a city girl without girlbossing and you can’t live a soft life without homeschooling and being religious enough to make people assume.
But here’s where I land
I want to live in a city and have all the rich cultures and experiences at my fingertips while still being mindful and presently patient. Living in a big city could force you to be more present after all - the hypervigilance of walking your kids through a city is so taxing on the mind I am exhausted just thinking about it.
I want to be able to work on my creative endeavors and fill my circle with people from all walks of life who support that while still joining a book or cooking club. I want to meet other parents who like to put their kids in sports but know it isn’t everything and are truly, I mean truly, letting their kids enjoy the team and exercise aspect of it all. I want to walk to corner stores even if it means paying a premium for everyday products, because hopefully that means I’m supporting someone’s small business.
I do like to relax, too, but my four young kids cannot relax for more than an hour or two. I want to show my kids what’s out there. They should know how to act in a busy environment - like moving out of the way for people with carts and wheelchairs and big ass dogs or using inside voices even on the subway. The reality is that the world is busy, and I’d like them to be prepared for it with common sense and decency.
Busy, but not rushed
All of that being said, I am aware that constantly rushing is not ideal. I can definitely notice how different my kids’ attitudes are when I am shoving them out of the house with their shoes barely on versus when they have time to eat their full breakfast and gather their things.
So how do you balance staying busy without feeling rushed? How do you stay mindful when there’s a mosh pit of city life and only tune into what is most important? Organization, of course, would be key - thinking about logistics way ahead of events helps everyone stay on schedule. Currently, three of our kids have basketball practice on the same night of the week. It also happens to be the day that I tutor until later, so we really need to schedule who is taking who and what is on the stove for dinner. Adding these types of things to the family calendar may seem soOoOo type A, but when you’re a family of 6, you (I) cannot be so willy nilly.
Not overextending yourself would also be, I imagine, important. Luckily, my husband and I are on the same page about commitments and we agree on what is just enough for our family and when we should decline on an RSVP. He likes free weekends just as much as I do, and if we don’t get a few hours to just hang out as a family, it doesn’t end up feeling restful at all.
Home is what you make it
I don’t fully reject some home-ec practices, but I don’t think I could ever go back to being a full time stay at home mom again. I enjoy waking up at 5 AM. I like to take public transportation. I’ll happily take my kids to various activities and also get a babysitter to see live music. And I like to work simply because it makes me feel like I am being a useful citizen. I need the hustle and bustle and really think that my mental/emotional health thrives in busier environments. I may not want a soft life, but I will keep my heart soft while navigating a busy and eventful one.
I don’t really know what a prebiotic soda is supposed to do, but I bought these on a whim because the packaging got me. The pear and mango flavors are very very delicious, so I am a fan!
The boat tour in NYC was the way to go to see all the sites in a short amount of time. Shout out to our guide Demetrius on the Starship tour for singing as much Frank Sinatra as he did!
This book is about a woman who happens to be married to Jesus, but she has longings to be more than just a subservient wife. Sue Monk Kidd’s writing is just fantastic. Bonus - I listen to her interview with Oprah at least once a month for inspiration.
I got myself an Oura ring because my sister-in-law told me it’s covered under my Flexible Spending Account. Do I need it? No. But I do want to LOCK IN on my sleep health, so…
Are you getting all your Christmas shopping done? I am not sick of these gift guides, so keep them coming!
Until next time,
T.
"I want to live in a city and have all the rich cultures and experiences at my fingertips while still being mindful and presently patient." This is how living in LA feels to me :)